mental post-its

My darling Angeline and my brothers just left, well about half an hour ago, and I wish it wasn't too late to call them back and beg them to stay by my side until it was time for me to close my eyes and bid farewell to the night. I don't want to fall asleep alone, even though alone is the easiest way to say goodnight to the night.

Driving with Ang last night, it hit me that the last three weeks at OWU seemed like nothing more than the best dream I've ever had. Did I really do all that? Was that MY dorm room, were those MY roommates? Does that gorgeous creature exist, and has he really sat next to me, and hugged me, and called me "sweetie"? And am I really letting myself get all worked up about it?

I am...

I'm going back tomorrow, thank God. Two days was just enough to remind me that everybody here still loves me and still wants me around (from time to time), but again the push I needed to get me right back where I belong, and where I belong is in that dorm, in that campus center, in those classrooms.

I still wish I could have fit you in my duffel bag, Ang. The offer is open!

Maybe I can convince her to come to the "smart kid school" where she could totally get in. I mean, if Brian was able to scrape his way in then there's no way they'd turn down an ace kid like herself. She's got more brilliance in a hand than he has, and she knows what she wants to do. Plus, hello, experience! A portfolio says a hell of a lot more than does a semester of academic probation and a lot of empty promises.

Oooh, I'm sensing some covered hostility in Brian's direction. Maybe I'll explore that at a later date. Mental Post-it.

Many more mental Post-its where AD is concerned, as in a whole freakin' stack. Sarah says I have a chance and a good one, and she's given me all the damn aces in one hand to play, but do I hedge my bets and play it safe or should I go for it now and play for the big pot? (*hates gambling analogies, they're so damn tedious*) I have an idea, but is it even worth it to get burned? I hate rejection, and I don't know if I'm even willing to get shot down. What if she's wrong?

But what if she's right?

And why can't I just have the answers to the things that matter?

Now I know it's time to go to bed...too many questions and not enough answers by a long shot.

Ahh, home in the morning. Well, afternoon, but...a little more than 12 hours from now I'll be on my way back to Delaware and hopefully to a nice, eventful little evening. <3 x 1000