Some thoughts...

So Rose Banquet was this evening; we sat there and listened to all the littles (and a big or two) talk about their graduating big (or little) and how wonderful they were, etc., ad nauseum, and it was a little painful because a: I didn't get to tell all of these amazing women how their absence would affect me, and b: Their absence is going to affect me. But Julia and I sang and didn't suck, nor did we cry, so all in all I would say it was a pretty successful endeavour.

Sam and I are almost speaking again. I say almost because we have posted on one another's walls in a courteous manner, but it is nowhere near the point where we are calling one another randomly to talk about our days. 'Tis sad, I admit, but I've decided (in fact, did so awhile ago) that I have no desire to worry about the pointless drama that goes on around me.

...I have enough pointless drama of my own.

DZ formal was last night, exactly a week after Chi Phi's formal. I had an amazing time at Chi Phi, drunkenness notwithstanding (children, I am no role model), but last night was lackadaisical to the point of sheer lameness. I kid you (whoever you are) not. It was more awkward...Imagine if you will first, being "asked" to go to a formal with a fraternity brother by his girlfriend, who has another engagement that evening and will not be able to attend until later.

But wait, things get more awkward, I promise. Then, once we're at formal, we proceed to both get ourselves respectably beyond the boundaries of sobriety, and continue past that point at breakneck speed. Through the course of the evening I hear "If I didn't have a girlfriend I'd be flirting with you right now" and "I really wish you were [insert girlfriend's name] right now." Now, none of this would have been particularly awkward for me...

[but, for reasons henceforth not discussed, it was.]

Last night rolls around, and I have not one, but two dates! Hooray for me! So they're both there, resplendent in their blue to match my blue...Alright, enough of that. The point is, I had two dates because I asked the first date out of fear that the second date would say no, then asked the second date when he told me at his formal that he was having a great time and that we should do it again. Okay, confusing enough.

And today my aunt Maryann had a stroke. I'm scared...she's so vivacious, so lively and full of energy...she's one of the tethers holding this family together. I don't want to lose her...I want to be at home right now with the rest of the family, not worrying about finals and papers and all of this other seemingly superficial stuff. I feel like a schmuck for worrying about my (lack of a) love life when she's fighting for her life.

I hate this.