moving back, moving on

First and, I suppose most importantly at this point...I finished the damn Powerpoint. I hate Powerpoint.

That isn't categorically true. I like Powerpoint...I like being able to make text flash across the screen, and I love impressing people with my technological prowess when they see what I've done.

But I hate Powerpoint assignments. They're either so specific that it's nearly impossible to find just the right thing, or they're so vague that you end up finding 8 million different possibilities for just the right thing.

I like knowing what just the right thing is by virtue of it slapping me in the face. Yeah, that's right.

And I'm seriously tired of people feeling it necessary to comment on the events of the last week. Yes, it is necessary for me to tell you what happened, so when Chris comes down to visit those of you not in-the-know enough to have already met Jonathan won't accidentally call him Jonathan, and so those of you who are don't pop off with "Where's Jonathan?"

Do you know where Jonathan is? Living in the aftermath of his concert, no doubt, and sad that I'm not there. Sad that what he (we?) both thought would be a long-term commitment turned into something more ephemeral than fame. And that's my fault. Rashness is in my nature, which means that all too often I find myself breaking hearts and spirits in my quest to set things right.

Is it so wrong to want to live my own life?

But I digress. Once I've told the story, it isn't necessary for every single person to comment, "Every time I talk to you you're dating someone else." Okay. We all deal with our stresses in different ways, and I have been blessed with several opportunities within a short time span to become close to someone who I thought (even for the briefest instant) would be with me for longer than a day. And there are things you still refuse to understand, like the fact that Brian and I have a history that is far longer than any of your tenure here. We were engaged...it's only natural to want to try at something you've failed if given the chance to fix it. And I love him, if only in a different way.

And Jonathan? Well, it was nice to have someone look and see me rather than the me I was projecting. Chris was always good at seeing me, even better than Jonathan as a matter of fact, whenever he cared to look...and that was the part that hurt the most. So I had to convince myself and everyone around me that it didn't matter that he was interested in Grace or Gabriella, let him date Sagita or whomever he so pleases, because I'm moving on.

If you can call running in place moving on.

But the truth has a way of coming out...and so it did. So that's the story, okay? And who knows what will happen tomorrow. All I can say is that this time, I have the one I want and if there's a change...you know it wasn't my doing.